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  • Hows this story I wrote? I’m only 15, so spare me SOOME mercy… ;)?

    Question by Anonymous: Hows this story I wrote? I’m only 15, so spare me SOOME mercy… ;)?
    Hey, I had a simular dream to this, so I spent like 2 hours up in my room glued to the screen writing this. I hope you like it. If there are some errors (which i’m sure there are) feel free to point them out, but give me as much feedback as you can, It’s called “Paradise Lost” and this is chapter 1, tell me if you would want to read more, then I will post the second chapter along with this one.

    I sat huddled in a corner behind the shop. I could hear people screaming, and smell the smoke. All I could feel was the warmth of my sister’s body. Her wet tears staining my shirt. I held her head tucked into my chest. Placing my chin on her head I closed my eyes and prayed that no harm would come to us. Just then I heard footsteps and stopped breathing, she did too. I kept my eyes closed. The footsteps stopped and I opened my eyes, my stomach dropped. I looked up at Ryan smiling down at me. He was practically family, he would never hurt me or Lissa ever…would he? Ryan kneeled down on one knee and smiled a creepy evil smile that made me sick to my stomach. Lissa cried, and leaned into me, burying her head further. ” Aww isn’t that sweet ” Ryan said. I was afraid. Afraid because I knew that he had evil intentions, afraid for Lissa, and afraid because I knew that he was stronger than me, and I was as powerless as a blade of grass to a lawnmower. ” Please ” I whispered in a raspy voice. “Please what? Please don’t hurt you? Nah, you wouldn’t ask that would you? Because you know that I wouldn’t be able to keep true to my word” He smiled, and roughly grabbed my arm his large hand practically overlapping it. He squeezed and pulled, yanking me from Lissa, and pulling me to my feet. I knew I looked a mess. My hair tangled, and dirty, ash marks on my face and arms, and my mud smeared T- shirt and bare feet. Lissa started shaking and sobbing. I pulled against his grip and reached for her. “Lissa-” I was cut off by Ryan tightening his grip. I felt sick. “No more Alice, you’re coming with me, we are going to go have some fun.” He started walking to the very back of the building, there was an ally there where they kept their dumpsters. Lissa was huddled up helplessly into a ball. I turned around as he pulled me. “Stay there, stay there and look as invisible as you can” I shouted back to her. I felt awful. I turned my head back to Ryan. We were now nearing the ally. Who knew what he had planned for me there. I had heard about sex slaves in my history class in school, but never imagined I would be one. Or that Ryan would be the one hurting me. He was my family, my friend, my age. Then the revolution started, and rebels started popping up everywhere creating chaos. My dad read about young women being captured and brutally raped or kept as sex slaves, and whole families being slaughtered. The once perfect City of Paradisaic was falling apart as we speak. Ryan’s grip tightened and I flinched. Who knew he was ever so strong. I remembered when we were little, us playing in my yard. “BAM, BAMBAMBAM! Hehe your dead Alice I shot you” He giggled making gun noises with his fingers. I dropped to the ground faking dead, and started twitching. Immediately he rushed over to my side concerned. ” Alice, Alice, I was just joking! Are you okay?” he had asked me concerned. I opened one eye. ” Of course I’m okay silly, I was just joking” I said poking him in the belly. ” Don’t you worry Alice, I will always be here to protect you until you grow old” He had said and we had both giggled. We approached the ally, and he threw me against the brick wall hard. My back scratched the rock.”ummph” He then, leaned into me pressing all his weight onto my body. I pressed myself against the wall trying to create as much space as I could between us. He smelled funny like mud, and alcohol. It made my stomach lurch. Ryan pressed his knee in between my thighs, and up into me, I twisted and struggled to free myself, hardly moving an inch. “Behave yourself Alice” He warned. I remember when he said that once before. ‘Behave yourself Alice’ He had said when I tried to kiss him. We were in the woods behind my house, and he wanted to show me something. For my 14 birthday he had built me a tree house for the two of us.” Now we can get away without any distractions” He had said. Then he leaned down toward me, and kissed me lightly on the lips. Our first kiss. When he pulled back, I stood on my tippy toes and pecked him softly one more time, then leaned into his side closing my eyes. He wrapped his arm around my waist and chuckled ‘Behave yourself Alice’ He had said, sending a warm pulse radiating through my body. Now it just sent a cold chill. I shivered confined to the space between him and the wall. He would do with me what he wished, and I would have no control. Tears brimmed my eyes. I started pleading with him. “Ryan please, no please don’t. You’re scaring me Ryan. Stop your scaring me” I started to cry. Sobs building in my chest. “Shhhh” I heard
    him whisper. I felt his big warm hands grasp my waist and slowly move upward drawing a line up and under my shirt. He started squeezing me. Hard. I moaned, and he leaned harder into me. The tears started coming faster now. He stopped and studied my face. His eyes moving back and fourth. Then he leaned forward, and licked each tear moving up my cheeks, then licking my closed eyes to rid of any coming tears too.
    “Mmmm” He sighed licking his lips. Then He placed both hands on my shoulders pushing me down. I locked my knees refusing to go down with him. He let go, and looked up at me. I turned and ran, only seeing my destination, the light at the end of the alley, and the slapping of my bare feet against the pavement. I was almost there when the wind was knocked out of me, and I lurched forward, and dropped to the ground. My chin hit first, then my toes dragged, then my knees and my stomach. I could feel the scrapes, and my tounge searched the inside of my mouth for injuries. I could
    taste blood, and could feel pieces of my front tooth floating around inside my mouth. Ryan was on top of me, and struggeling to remove my clothes. My face was pressed against the cool concrete, the rocks digging into my smooth cheeks. I could hear him panting, and so was I. I started sweating. Ryan ripped my shirt off, and pulled out his pocket knife, slicing through each leg of my tiny jean shorts. And tossing them aside. He cut my panties off, and unhooked my bra. I was completely naked now. I started struggeling, and Ryan held his knife to my throat, then covering my mouth moved it to my struggeling hand, slicing a deep gash in my palm. I screamed against his warm palm on my mouth. Panting I gave up. Ryan left me for a minute, then came back with all his clothes off, and shoved my shoulders down.
    “kneel Ali” that was his nickname for me, ali. “Kneel for me Alice!!” He said grabbing my sliced palm, and shoving his fingers into the wound. I screamed a murdurous scream, and did as he
    said, but kept my shoulders on the ground. I could feel his large erection at my rear. I started to cry and plead, but then he was in me. I felt disturbed, and scarred, and it hurt. Oh it hurt so so bad. He had to cover my mouth to muffle my screams with his sweaty hand. When He was finished He flipped me over, and stared at me for a long while looking me up and down naked.
    “I’ve wanted this for so long baby” He said grabbing my waist, while I tossed and turned, and thrusting into me. I gasped, taking an inward breath. He rode me for a good long while, making me moan, scream, and gasp over and over again.
    Finally after what seemed like days Ryan was done, and he got dressed again, and tossed me my bra and shirt. Since my shorts and panties were ruined I had to put on the bra, and wrap the shirt around my waist to cover me up. Then, Ryan took a rope from his back pocket, and tied my hands together behind my back tightly. He next tied a longer rope around my kneck, and when he
    pulled the end it would tighten, like a leash. He grabbed the ‘leash’ and led me out of the alley. When we walked out, I gasped at what I saw. Dead bodies shot, or burned laying everywhere. Blood flooded the once beautiful streets. I refused to look at the faces of the bodies afraid that I would reconize them. But I didn’t succeed. Once face caught my attention, and I stopped and collapsed next to the body. Lissa. She burned alive. I screamed in agony, and moaned. Ryan tightened the rope, and I choked, but didn’t move. I was sobbing. My life was over. He sighed, and lifted me up, carrying me.
    “Come on Alice, lets go” He kissed the top of my head. And I thought I caught a tear from the corner of his eye before he blinked it away.

    Best answer:

    Answer by HaNnAh
    u have some true talent!

    my name is hannah peterson
    this sounds really weird…but….if u have a facebook, can u send me the following chapters as u write them? i would really apreciate it 😀
    (dont worry, im not some creepy middle aged stalker guy o.o)
    or email them:
    [email protected]
    THANKS! and great story! keep up the good workk!

    Add your own answer in the comments!

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